Blagojevich Makes Edwin Edwards Look Like An Amateur

Blagojevich’s arrest was so startling that my husband woke me up to tell me about it. (Yes, I was sleeping, I am trying to get over a horrible cold and sinus infection.)

Let’s just say that while Edwards was greedy and corrupt, I don’t think he had the “fire in the belly” to really hurt people that these recordings of Blagojevich have shown.

I’m not a great political blogger and for the truly astounding depth of scumbagginess that the Governor of Illinois has fallen to, start with Althouse, here and here. Her commenters are having some fun with this.

Gateway Pundit – just keep scrolling.

Classical Values – just keep scrolling.

UPDATE: From the comments below, you’ve got to read this, it’s short and makes a valid point I’ve not seen elsewhere.

I’m A Political Genius

And for this amazing ability I get a T-Shirt! A Pajamas Media T-Shirt.  (Didn’t they know I’d prefer a link and that would have cost them less?)

That’s right folks, out of 5200 people who entered PajamasMedia’s veepstakes, I was one of 48 to correctly guess the VP picks of both parties. That makes me one of the smartest (luckiest?) 0.9% of those brave (or silly?) enough to enter the contest. 

I have my left hand on the pulse of Obama and my right hand on the pulse of McCain. If there are any political questions you’d like answered, feel free to post them in the comments and I will bestow my wisdom accordingly. 

Maybelline? Mary Kay?

Where are you? Who is going to be the first to come out with “Palin Pink” as a lipstick color? It surely can’t be an expensive cosmetics company. That would just taint the candidate, don’t you think?

Has anyone dared ask her what brand cosmetics she uses? Surely Charlie Gibson will do so. Surely he realizes how important this is.

In fact, I think it is important to define the exact shade of pink that “Palin Pink” will be. Because if Jamie Spears ever decides to actually send Bristol some burp cloths, she needs to know what color this actually is.

I’m fairly jealous actually that Sarah Palin does not appear to need expensive cosmetics. Unlike myself, I think she’d be as well off with Maybelline, Mary Kay, or Clinique, or brands I’ve never heard of because I’ve never been in a place that expensive.

Listen up, lipstick makers — whoever comes up with it, I’ll buy it :-)

Hummer, Chick Magnet or Not

A serious discussion here between my son and myself. I, the 55+ female says that Hummers are serious NOT chick magnet. My 30+ son thinks they are.Who’s right?NOTE: We’re not talking about the military Humvee with a 50 caliber… which would no doubt be a chick magnet, we’re talking about the cute yellow or black ones on the car lots.   

The Darwin Diet

From the inimitable Dr. Boli:

Now observe that we could, without altering the lists at all, change the headings above the lists to “Things That Are Healthy to Eat” and “Things That Are Not Healthy to Eat.” The correspondence is perfect. Things that taste good are things that are healthy to eat. It follows, of course, that the things that taste best are the healthiest to eat.

New TSA Training Tool

Via Mr. Heh himself, surely we’ve all heard about TSA’s inept inspection of a time-pressed traveler’s MacBook Air. Of course, they were just doing their job.

An obviously unenlightened (as to bureaucratic procedures) commenter suggested TSA could spend time training inspectors on new technology. What a silly suggestion that knowledge leads not only to efficiency, but a better “understanding of what may be out of place.”

Perhaps the reason that this Amazon item is out of stock is that the TSA has bought them all for training purposes?

(for more fun check out the “Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed” section and the other Playmobil items.) 

Have We Lost the Art of the Classy Insult?

From a forwarded email, some of my favorite insults with a note about today’s language:

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle fingers.
 

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison,” and he said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”  

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”  

“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” – Winston Churchill  

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”  – Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)  

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”  –  Abraham Lincoln

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response.

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” –  Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb  

“He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” Jack E. Leonard

“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.” – Robert Redford

“They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.” – Thomas Brackett Reed

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” –  Charles, Count Talleyrand  

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West  

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)  

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx

$1.4 Million Buttocks

Apparently the FCC has defined buttocks as a part of our anatomy that is a sexual organ. Or an excretory organ. It’s unclear whether the fine is $1.4 million for each station or if that’s the total for all 52 ABC stations.

The fine stems from an NYPD episode where “multiple, close-up views” of the woman’s “nude buttocks” were depicted.

From Volokh:

The agency [FCC] said the show was indecent because “it depicts sexual organs and excretory organs , specifically an adult woman’s buttocks. The agency rejected the network’s argument that “the buttocks are not a sexual organ.”

From Tigerhawk:

This is strange, because the buttocks is not actually an organ. It is “either of the two rounded prominences on the human torso that are posterior to the hips and formed by the gluteal muscles and underlying structures.” Yes, they can be attractive, but they can also be repulsively unattractive. The same might be said — and it often is — of thighs. Are they, too, sexual organs?

This sort of hair-splitting silliness is what comes from regulating that which should not be regulated.

From my brother:

Why don’t you post a lot of  photos of buttocks and I’ll let you know my conclusions.

I’d love to see the job description

This is from an 1880 census of Little River County Arkansas, Jackson Township. The column heading reads:

Profession, Occupation, or
Trade of each person,
male and female.
Not surprisingly, in this mostly rural area, the men were usually farmers and almost all the women were keeping house. For the males in this snippet, machinist was the odd occupation. For the females, the non-keeping house occupation is:
objectionable
Hmm… now let me think, other than schoolmarm, just about any occupation other than keeping house was very rare for a female in those days, especially in a rural area, though I have seen several listed as farmers. Around 1890, there were two postmistresses in a neighboring county.But objectionable? Could it possibly be… could she have possibly been… a politician?

F16 or C130?

Which is better to fly? Somebody sent Vodkapundit an email with the answer:

Obviously, through no fault of your own, your young, impressionable brain has been poisoned by the superfluous, hyped-up, “Top Gun” media portrayal of fighter pilots.

Unfortunately, this portrayal could not be further from the truth. In my experience, I’ve found most fighter pilots pompous, backstabbing, momma’s boys with inferiority complexes, as well as being extremely over-rated aeronautically. However, rather than dash your budding dreams of becoming a USAF pilot, I offer the following alternative:

What you really want to aspire to is the exciting, challenging and rewarding world of TACTICAL AIRLIFT.

Click the link to find out why Tactical Airlift beats piloting a fighter.

Are you confused?

If all the pundits and news stories about the various candidates has you confused (as opposed to severely depressed) Tony Woodlief, author of Sand in the Gears, has gone to trouble of explaining in terms anyone can understand:

Here’s my ill-informed reading of the status of our national presidential marathon, based on what I’ve gleaned from airport conversations and the occasional glance at Google news headlines:

Now, go there and read it all. You will be enlightened. (via Megan McArdle)

Dr. Boli

There are few words that adequately describe Dr. Boli’s blog. Let me give you an example instead:

S is for the Social Worker,
            Grim and worried,
            Flustered, flurried,
Solving problems left and right,
Staying up to work all night—
Who dares call the Social Worker
Lazy slob or idle shirker?
Bring your problems to this man:
He will solve them if he can.
            Griping, grumbling,
            Shambling, stumbling—
Frankly, if the truth were known,
He has problems of his own.

Mysterious Ways

Mysterious Ways

Lightning can strike twice, in the same way, if not the same place.

October 30, 2005 AP WACO, Texas

A pastor performing a baptism was electrocuted inside his church Sunday morning after grabbing a microphone while partially submerged, a church employee said.

The Rev. Kyle Lake, 33, was standing in water up to his shoulder in a baptismal at University Baptist Church when he was electrocuted, said Jamie Dudley, a church business administrator and wife of another pastor there.

The woman Lake was baptizing was not injured, Dudley said.

A little over a decade ago, a similar accident happened during a time when the author of the following story was pondering on religiosity and crime entering politics.

MYSTERIOUS WAYS

By Stuart Wood

Associated Press 2/23/94 – LAROSE, La. – A public address system or faulty heating elements are suspected of causing the electrocution of a minister in a baptismal pool.

The Rev. John Allen, head pastor of Victory Life church at Lockport, was shocked Sunday afternoon as he prepared to baptize about 15 people.

He died shortly after church members pulled him from the waist-deep baptism tank at Christian Fellowship church, which was being used because his own church did not have a large-enough pool, investigators said.

Now, this event was no doubt profoundly traumatic to the family and congregation of Reverend Allen and the premises liability carrier of the invitor church, but is also caused great consternation within St. Peter’s massive intake facility at the Pearly Gates when the case was assigned to the Political Section, which is presently headed by St. Nicolo di Bernardo. The former prince stormed, diplomatically of course, into the former fisherman’s sanctum later that Sunday afternoon:

“Peter, there’s some things we gotta talk.” With his usual misdirection, di Bernardo continued, “First, I get no answer about fixing up the longitudes so Sarajevo and the Palestine got different time zones. You should hear the crazy exemptions and dispensations they want, like they all went to Harvard Law School and Yale Divinity before they got whacked. If you’re gonna move California anyway, couldn’t you put Bosnia over around Iceland someplace? The paperwork is all over the place, and I gotta have more staff.”

St. Peter was accustomed to these outbursts, but was always, or more precisely, eternally, chagrined by the vulgar demise of language exhibited by his Latinate deputy, a recent devotee of Puzo.

“Well then,” said St. Peter, as he was putting the final tiny minute knot on the tiny little fly clamped in the miniature vise in the middle of his vast desk, “You should have some good staff candidates right on hand there. You’ve got to learn patience, Nicolo. Did I ever tell about the time I was on the upper Snake in Idaho and waited fourteen years to catch Ol’Bigtail? Why, you’ve never seen such a battle. First, he takes the leader upstream about four miles and –“

“Patience! I got patience! I’m just finishing up the last old Nazis, except I don’t see why we gotta come down so hard, I mean – well, nevermind. I just get through with them and I’m getting a bunch of neo ones. Amateur city—just kinda venom and ignorance in peanut shells with SCUD rockets and nerve gas.” Nicolo paused to catch his breath.

“Plus, and this is the big one I can’t figure out and how come we need to talk. You’re giving me this preacher from Louisiana. I run the Political section, so how come I got him? He never ran for any office sinecure.” Nicolo used his Latin when he could. “He never even took the bar exam. He’s probably a nice guy, probably should go over to Premature & Unexplainable.”

Peter is silent, contemplating the elaborate dark brown, red, tan, yellow, maroon, and white fly shining in the brilliant starlight of his limitless office, thinking maybe some green. Nicolo, no mean contemplator himself, suddenly understands, or thinks he does.

“Oh no, oh please don’t give me political and religious correctness. You’re not gonna give me this guy because he was maybe supposed to baptize sixteen people. You’re not gonna me give Oral Roberts just because he was a couple of million short. Or Tim or Jimmy or Tammy or Katy or Larry or Jerry and… and all the James’. Come on, this ain’t political, except maybe the swindling part, and has gotta go to Theological Errors and Omission. I can’t handle it. We’re not set up to do any more TV makeup.”

“Actually we’re thinking of washing our hands, as it were, on Mr. Robert’s situation. But I’m sorry, Nicolo, we’ve seen this coming for a while,” Peter said. “I’m afraid we’re going to have to move Religion over to Politics in Louisiana and all the other states, just like it always has been in the rest of the world.”

“What! You can’t do this! What about the big noble experiment? Separation of Church from three equal branches of State? For the People. Life, liberty and the purfuit of happineff (the Prince had read only the original). I thought you guys even helped with the weather in Philly and that First Amendment thing.”

“No, not really, but we thought it a fairly good earthly human effort, along with the Fourth and Fifth.”

“The Fifth, the Fourth! This is a hint, right? You’re gonna give me Crime in America, too?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so. It appears that both Crime and Religion in America, at least temporarily, have become entirely Political subjects because the politicians need the diversion. They’re quaintly American, three strikes and all that. Ross Perot paraphrasing a coin, and vice versa. The Supreme Court taking medical evidence. The Second Amendment and the ATF. Penumbras of privacy. Fascinating. I remember Ol’ Bigtail was hiding under the penumbra of this huge blue spruce, but I came up there just before daylight and –

“No!”, the Prince screamed, “No! This is impossible. I can’t take on drive-bys and carjackings and embezzlement.”

“Nicolo, please sit down. I almost regret to tell you the rest of the changes. Human corporeal health is also now Political. You will of course be sharing that with the Pure Avarice & Greed people and their Corporate Iniquity group, but it’s your primary classification job. SIT DOWN, Nicolo, you look like you’re having a stroke.

St. Peter paused here, to allow St. Nicolo time to regain his composure. “Yes, you will have to deal with Religion, Crime, and Health Care Reform, which if it’s to work will logically have to include premiums from worker’s comp, liability, and even RTD’s and AMTRAK.

“There is, however, good news in that THE BOSS has decided to give you a break on a couple major items. First, the universal health insurance premiums on your new staff are going to be off-budget.” Peter usually got a chuckle from the other department heads with this one, but the Prince remained morose.

“What could THE BOSS possibly do? This is a disaster for the Political Department. Diseases and car wrecks aren’t political. It’s stretched too thin. We’re gonna have to totally reorganize. You could at least move legislators and judges over to Heinous and Unforgivable.”

“Okay, that’s definitely in the works. Especially in Texas. But we’ll need to discuss that later,’ Peter said. “We recognize your problems. The other good news is that in order to compensate fully for these added complications, we’ve decided to turn the first six months of Denver International Airport operations over to the Unsolved Mysteries Section. I know that one has been costing sleep.”

Prince Machiavelli, relieved and jubilant, tried to express his thanks by washing St. Peter’s feet, but he was deterred by the Saint’s L.L. Bean hip-length wading boots. He left happy anyway, ruminating to himself, thinking, lemmesee, I need ol’ Abe. He suspended habeas corpus. Then I’ll sober up Senator Joe, who just barely made the cut, and check out this free speech and association and Fifth Amendment stuff. He was unsure on religion. Machiavelli had experienced a partial epiphany in his later years and had gained his position not entirely through simony. He generally agreed with Adlai Stevenson, who found St. Paul appealing but Vincent Peale appalling. He would have to ponder that appointment. But AMTRAK. All right. The Prince would have to make some extremely long distance phone calls to the Duce, but those little trenos would hereinafter run, into whatever, on time.